The Wrong Women
Day 67.
This is the perfect time to admit to myself that I haven't been taking my New Year's Resolution seriously. One of the most fundamental reasons is that I don't have time. My job is taking up so much of my life's hours that right now, I'm basically having difficulty fixing what's left of my sane circadian rhythm. I haven't been sleeping properly but eating excessively lately that I woke up last Friday feeling like someone is joyfully pulling my arteries into a neat French braid. I was so scared I cried and it made the situation a lot worse. Thankfully, my mom was there to absorb some of the negative energy resulting to her also shedding little tears. Since then, I've been religiously staying away from sinfully delicious foods. It breaks my metaphorical heart but I have to since I want to save my literal life.
My life lately is the same as before. Maybe a little different this time since it stopped sucking a lot. I'm struggling my way out of responsibilities I deliberately put myself into. It's the same old story only things just got a little more exciting and nerve-racking. People and attitudes are starting to collide. As much as I want to join the chaos, I realized that it's more fun to just watch the world burn.
I met a 29-year-old soldier last Sunday night. Same old, same old. Hot, single guy who has no other intention than to drink and flirt. I happily indulged while constantly reminding myself that I shouldn't get too attached or I'll suffer once again in one hell of an end-of-the-world-ish heartache while trying to show everyone that I'm still the clown they met since day one. As of now, he hasn't called or even tried to badger his brother just to get my number. No communication of any form since that night when he held me so close in front of his army friends and family. Sure it was a moment of ridiculous elation for me but on one hand, I don't want to be too assumptive. After all, it was just one night.
But I miss him. I really do.
I'm seriously starting to get used to the idea that I'm no one's someone. Somehow, the fact that my brother and sister have their own "special someones" and I don't doesn't really bother the hell out of me anymore. I really don't know. Maybe I'm just tired of considering myself pathetic for being single at 22. Besides, there are still a lot of things to be sad about in this world. I should try being sad about poverty, corruption and teenage pregnancy. Maybe I'd gain something worthwhile from that.
Someday, he's gonna find me. After he's done loving the wrong women.
I should go now and watch some feel good movie before going to bed.
Good vibes for the last days!
This is the perfect time to admit to myself that I haven't been taking my New Year's Resolution seriously. One of the most fundamental reasons is that I don't have time. My job is taking up so much of my life's hours that right now, I'm basically having difficulty fixing what's left of my sane circadian rhythm. I haven't been sleeping properly but eating excessively lately that I woke up last Friday feeling like someone is joyfully pulling my arteries into a neat French braid. I was so scared I cried and it made the situation a lot worse. Thankfully, my mom was there to absorb some of the negative energy resulting to her also shedding little tears. Since then, I've been religiously staying away from sinfully delicious foods. It breaks my metaphorical heart but I have to since I want to save my literal life.
My life lately is the same as before. Maybe a little different this time since it stopped sucking a lot. I'm struggling my way out of responsibilities I deliberately put myself into. It's the same old story only things just got a little more exciting and nerve-racking. People and attitudes are starting to collide. As much as I want to join the chaos, I realized that it's more fun to just watch the world burn.
I met a 29-year-old soldier last Sunday night. Same old, same old. Hot, single guy who has no other intention than to drink and flirt. I happily indulged while constantly reminding myself that I shouldn't get too attached or I'll suffer once again in one hell of an end-of-the-world-ish heartache while trying to show everyone that I'm still the clown they met since day one. As of now, he hasn't called or even tried to badger his brother just to get my number. No communication of any form since that night when he held me so close in front of his army friends and family. Sure it was a moment of ridiculous elation for me but on one hand, I don't want to be too assumptive. After all, it was just one night.
But I miss him. I really do.
I'm seriously starting to get used to the idea that I'm no one's someone. Somehow, the fact that my brother and sister have their own "special someones" and I don't doesn't really bother the hell out of me anymore. I really don't know. Maybe I'm just tired of considering myself pathetic for being single at 22. Besides, there are still a lot of things to be sad about in this world. I should try being sad about poverty, corruption and teenage pregnancy. Maybe I'd gain something worthwhile from that.
Someday, he's gonna find me. After he's done loving the wrong women.
I should go now and watch some feel good movie before going to bed.
Good vibes for the last days!
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