The Fifth Stage

The other day, I got a text message from my dad's friend who has been really supportive of our family since my dad's passing. I guess my mom got all excited about my graduation and the special award thing so she sent text messages to random people bragging about her smart eldest daughter. The text message said congratulations as expected but I didn't expect what came next.

"You should continue to med school. I told your mom to ask you if you want to study here in Iligan. I believe there's a medical school here. Search for it on the internet. Sayang naman. I'd be willing to help you with the finances."

I read the message at least five times. I thought my mom was just messing with me.

I've been doing a lot of thinking weeks before graduation while I listened to my friends worry about their med school applications. I'm not gonna lie. I want to go to med school but if me not going to med school would make things easier for my family, then I'd find a job to help. After my final exams, I've accepted it after going through denial, anger, bargaining and depression. No med school. Find a job.

I hate this part.

I don't understand why things had to mess with my head again after the damage has been done and healed. I don't understand why a chance to go to med school had to present itself when I'm already writing a resume to submit to a university I decided to apply to as a Science professor. Is it a sign? I clearly have no idea.

For some reason, I opened my laptop yesterday to search for a med school somewhere in Iligan, Mindanao and I found one. They have pretty good facilities and a lot of Science programs. Out of nowhere, the unbelievably strong desire to go to med school returned like an angry vampire wanting to avenge the death of his mate. As I stared at the list of medical schools Google searched for me, tears threatened to stream out. I know I can survive med school the way I survived premed and I can come out of it with flying colors. I want to be a doctor but I had to be either insanely intelligent or insanely rich, two things that obviously don't define me. So there's goodbye.

I didn't reply to my dad's friend's message although I'm really itching to say yes. I don't want to be away from home. I don't want my mom to suffer sleepless nights thinking about her 21-year-old med student and I don't want to be one of her worries ever again. I want to help and I guess that's more important to me now than becoming a kickass neurologist or immunologist.

Who knows? Maybe I'd be so freaking rich one day I'd be able to buy a medical license. HAHA! Just kidding.

I guess family first and then, I'd chase my dreams afterwards with a sports car.