The Deadly Sin of Pride

I used to think that the word ego is only meant for boys. I just changed my mind. Girls can have egos too. It's just that girls have egos for things that boys don't really care about. While boys have egos for superiority, girls have egos for dreams.

My mom dragged my ass to a job fair earlier in Glorietta. I was kind of happy because I haven't visited Glorietta in YEARS and I'm not even kidding. So there. The job fair was a perfect excuse for me to get out of our boring house which never seems to run out of things to clean. Anyway, I printed three resumes and then headed to Glorietta with my supportive stage mother. Her friend, who was also accompanying her kid in the job hunt, was already there when we arrived. It was then that I started feeling utterly ridiculous. I saw a lot of people my age and the only difference we had is that they don't have an adult following them around like they're going to get lost in the mall or something. I shook it off and just got the job fair over with.

In my honest opinion, people who organized the fair shouldn't have called it "job fair". They should have named it CALL CENTER JOB FAIR. Call center companies were just everywhere and there were only like three to four companies that are not hiring call center agents otherwise known as customer service representatives. While my mom was going gaga over the booths and everything, I was starting to feel a little nauseous. There were no openings for BS Biology graduates. Everyone was looking for communications and marketing graduates. Ten minutes after my mom and I entered the fair, I was completely demoralized.

As we walked around the fair like hunters looking for a deer to shoot and cook for dinner, I held on to my resume as if I was holding on to dear life. I started thinking of my former classmates who have just proudly announced in their Facebook accounts that they've been accepted to some medical school they applied to. Tears threatened to fall but I stifled them because I know my mom would throw a fit over it in front of everyone. In the middle of pitying myself, I approached a booth and just grabbed a brochure. The company's name is Accenture and they're in need of data analysts and whatnot. Since I kind of fit into the qualifications, I signed my name on the registration paper thing and the lady in the booth told me to come to their office on the 13th for the interview. My mom was excited. My pride was like cheese being shoved into a grater.

Accenture was the only company I sort of applied to since I heard that they give some good stuff in there. My mom said she'll accompany me to my interview which I'm really scared about but I just decided to not say anything. After her very long conversation with her friend, we decided to head home. I first thought we're going to take a cab but my mom made her way to the FX terminal near the MRT Ayala station. I just followed and kept my mouth shut.

Waiting for a ride in that terminal is like waiting for a duck to magically turn into a silver sedan. With shredded pride, I began to boil with frustration. We waited for like an hour and nothing ever arrived. My annoyance reached a peak and I began throwing my phone into the seat beside me. "Sa mga sitwasyong ganito, dapat hindi ka mainipin! Hindi lang naman ikaw ang napapagod eh! Wag ka ngang ganyan, anak!" my mom said. Yeah. I just waved a red cloth in front of an angry bull. Ten seconds later, my mom walked out. "Mag-taxi na lang tayo!" she said. So to cut it short, my mom and I took a cab home. The whole ride, I just stared out the window and thought of ways to a painless death while my mom shed silent tears beside me.

And now I'm here. Talking about my deadly sin of pride.

Standing in the middle of that people-filled job fair made me feel like an ant in a circus. While everyone was showing off their circus skills, I stood there afraid that I would be trampled on the ground before I can even make a run for it. I really don't think that I should have been there because what I ought to be was nowhere to be found in that place.

Yeah. It's all about my pride.

I don't deserve a job I didn't study for and I don't want my awesomeness to turn me into someone who's good at something he/she doesn't want to do.

I could die of excessive sinning now.

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