On Sanity's Edge

My mom always tells me stuff about one of her best girlfriends. This best girlfriend of hers has four children, three of which are already out into the real world. My mom told me that her friend accompanies her children in their job interviews and that she couldn't care less about what other people would think. That time, I saw excitement in my mom's eyes and in the back of my mind, I saw myself waiting in a posh sitting room in a posh company office with my mom beside me waiting for the interviewer to arrive. It bothered the hell out of me.

For one, my mom is already nearing her 50s and I don't want to drag her around in my job interviews especially when we don't have a car. Commuting alone is stressful and I don't want her to go through the tough times that are supposed to be defining my future. If I were to build my future, I'd love to do so without bothering my mom even though she'd really love to be bothered. Secondly, I don't want ANYONE to be at my side when I'm thinking of stuff to say in the interview. I guess that's just how I deal with the nervousness. If my mom's going to be around to give me a pre-interview pep talk, I'll go nuts. And last but definitely not the least, I don't want to work. I want to start a business. I saved that for last because that's the thing I don't have the guts to tell my mom.

Lately, people have been badgering me to do stuff. So far, none of them tried to physically harass me and I really don't want it to go there. My uncle's trying to get me a position that has nothing to do with what I studied in some company. My mom's trying to throw me into her frustration which is teaching. Other people are telling me to apply in call centers where the salary is good. My sister so far is the least annoying. She just told me to do what I want to do while my brother just nods at everything that I say.

This is what happens when everyone who is biologically programmed to love you doesn't approve of what you want to do with your life.

Last Wednesday, I attended a multi-level marketing seminar with my friend and I must say that I really loved the seminar. It's a whole lot different from the previous company I joined. While I was in that room with all the other people wanting to build a better future, I felt like it's the business I could work on. The products are great, the benefits I could get are unbelievably generous and the income potential is a lot more than what I can make with being a regular employee. I know I said the same thing about the previous company I was talking about in my previous blogs but this company actually had what I was looking for in things I'd like to venture into - people who think like I do. I really didn't care about the earnings more than I cared about who my business partners are going to be. When the environment is good, the business is definitely going to be good. After the seminar, I went home feeling light and happy. I started filling in my mom with the details of the seminar as soon as I entered our front door. She asked lots of questions and for a moment, I thought she's going to let me join the company. It was at the end of our little conversation when she shoved it all in my face. "Ikaw talaga! Ang dali mong makumbinsi sa ganyan!" she said. Of course I got the message. It's the same as saying, "Do whatever you want but I'm not giving you the goddamn money."

I haven't been sleeping right for the last three days. I tried borrowing money from some of my friends but none of them are capable of lending me dough at the moment. I tried reaching my rich aunt from Las Pinas but she wouldn't answer my messages. I was thinking of selling some of my gadgets but my mom would definitely call everyone she knows I'm going to sell stuff to and tell them to not take my offer no matter how cheap it is. In another three days, I'm going to lose my sanity.

Yesterday, I asked God for something I'm downright stupid about - SIGNS. I woke up yesterday and asked God to send a Mazda 3 if He approves of my plan to do network marketing. I specifically asked a Mazda 3 because that's the car model that none of our neighbors have and the last car what would ever pass our street. Surprisingly, when I was on my way to the store to buy something, a black Mazda 3 with a front plate that says PROSECUTOR passed by. I stood frozen on the street till the Mazda disappeared from my sight. And then, I smiled and thanked Him silently.

I'm actually planning to do something crazy tomorrow. I'm going to ask money from the last person I'd ask anything from ever again. I just hope it'd work. Otherwise, I'll take desperate measures like selling our house or something.