Trampled
Day 140.
It's almost 1 AM and I'm still up. I've been like this for quite a while now. I sleep around 5-6 AM and then wake up in the middle of the day. I can't seem to find the correct spot in my bed for me to fall asleep around normal human bedtime resulting to my screwed up circadian rhythm. My mom tells me my body automatically geared all my systems to prepare for call center work following my decision to finally try and make something worthwhile out of my kickass education. Whatever. I hate being insomniac.
It's officially my mom's 50th birthday today which I was supposed to be in-charge of making a big deal. I don't know if my mom's just scared of telling me straight on but I can tell that she's really disappointed in me. As the eldest, I was supposed to be the mature one who's sensitive enough to go out job hunting right after college since it was made clear that there's no way I'm going to a freaking med school. I never really told my mom how much going to med school means to me because if there's one thing I'm so fucking scared of doing in this world intentionally or unintentionally, it's hurting my mom. And so when she asked me about my plans after college, I told her I completely understand the situation and I'm willing to work so I could help with the expenses, send my little sister to school and whatnot until we get our lives back and I can marry some rich, good-looking guy, have his babies and live happily ever after in some far away land. I did work for a year as a noble Science teacher and we all know what that entails, right? Don't expect a humane salary from a noble job. For ten months, I felt like a great scientist who have been presented her hard-earned Nobel Prize three seconds after hitting the flat line with the long beep. I wasn't able to save anything. Just a little shred of my disillusioned pride.
Up to this moment, I still regret rejecting that little phone call from a company one of my college best friends referred me to. It was call center work that I was too proud to accept. A year later, my friend, who referred me to the company I willingly turned my back on to get a shot at being a renowned educator, is now a regular employee receiving a salary of more than Php 50,000 a month. I could only describe my feeling as somewhat similar to being trampled by The Avengers, The Justice League and The Fantastic Four all at the same fucking time. So I just want to say for the record that for crying out loud, pride is not going to take anyone anywhere. It's just going to get back on you like a crazed coven of inhumanly beautiful, blood thirsty vampires. Damn. Can I get a lot more naive and stupid?
All I could do now is sigh for my foolishness and accept the fact that for an alumna of a very prestigious university, I'm a shame for not being able to recognize a good opportunity when it's within my grasp. On the other hand, I did find some fulfillment in being a teacher but financially - ZERO. Let's face it. Money is one of the things that make the world go round. As much as I've learned to love teaching, I still have to go out there to find greener pastures for myself and my family.
And so I would like to end this blog by telling my mom (even though I'm pretty sure she's never gonna be able to read this anyway) that I love her and I'm sorry I didn't get her anything for her birthday. Rest assured I shall redeem myself on my first payday in the very near future. Happy birthday to the greatest and most loving mother in the whole wide universe OLMA SUMALINOG CASTRO!
So yeah. That's all for now.
I have to go. I HAVE TO SLEEP.
It's almost 1 AM and I'm still up. I've been like this for quite a while now. I sleep around 5-6 AM and then wake up in the middle of the day. I can't seem to find the correct spot in my bed for me to fall asleep around normal human bedtime resulting to my screwed up circadian rhythm. My mom tells me my body automatically geared all my systems to prepare for call center work following my decision to finally try and make something worthwhile out of my kickass education. Whatever. I hate being insomniac.
It's officially my mom's 50th birthday today which I was supposed to be in-charge of making a big deal. I don't know if my mom's just scared of telling me straight on but I can tell that she's really disappointed in me. As the eldest, I was supposed to be the mature one who's sensitive enough to go out job hunting right after college since it was made clear that there's no way I'm going to a freaking med school. I never really told my mom how much going to med school means to me because if there's one thing I'm so fucking scared of doing in this world intentionally or unintentionally, it's hurting my mom. And so when she asked me about my plans after college, I told her I completely understand the situation and I'm willing to work so I could help with the expenses, send my little sister to school and whatnot until we get our lives back and I can marry some rich, good-looking guy, have his babies and live happily ever after in some far away land. I did work for a year as a noble Science teacher and we all know what that entails, right? Don't expect a humane salary from a noble job. For ten months, I felt like a great scientist who have been presented her hard-earned Nobel Prize three seconds after hitting the flat line with the long beep. I wasn't able to save anything. Just a little shred of my disillusioned pride.
Up to this moment, I still regret rejecting that little phone call from a company one of my college best friends referred me to. It was call center work that I was too proud to accept. A year later, my friend, who referred me to the company I willingly turned my back on to get a shot at being a renowned educator, is now a regular employee receiving a salary of more than Php 50,000 a month. I could only describe my feeling as somewhat similar to being trampled by The Avengers, The Justice League and The Fantastic Four all at the same fucking time. So I just want to say for the record that for crying out loud, pride is not going to take anyone anywhere. It's just going to get back on you like a crazed coven of inhumanly beautiful, blood thirsty vampires. Damn. Can I get a lot more naive and stupid?
All I could do now is sigh for my foolishness and accept the fact that for an alumna of a very prestigious university, I'm a shame for not being able to recognize a good opportunity when it's within my grasp. On the other hand, I did find some fulfillment in being a teacher but financially - ZERO. Let's face it. Money is one of the things that make the world go round. As much as I've learned to love teaching, I still have to go out there to find greener pastures for myself and my family.
And so I would like to end this blog by telling my mom (even though I'm pretty sure she's never gonna be able to read this anyway) that I love her and I'm sorry I didn't get her anything for her birthday. Rest assured I shall redeem myself on my first payday in the very near future. Happy birthday to the greatest and most loving mother in the whole wide universe OLMA SUMALINOG CASTRO!
So yeah. That's all for now.
I have to go. I HAVE TO SLEEP.
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