11-Day Hard Slap

I've been suffering from a condition called sciatica for almost two weeks now. I allowed myself to be "beaten up old school" by a hilot my cousin referred to me, chugged painkillers of different pain-killing intensities, did yoga with the help of several YouTube videos even though I don't know smack about the whole thing and basically tried everything humanly possible to get rid of the pain for good. The pain dulled with time, all right but I'm still in pain nonetheless. Right now, I'm taking all of this as a hard slap on my glorified, hardheaded, gluttonous face. It's God's way of telling me to take more care of myself starting with losing weight.

I'm not gonna lie. I've been thinking about it since high school when I pretended I didn't want to go to prom because I think it's stupid. I was actually scared that no dress would fit me, no one would ask me to dance and everyone will just make fun of me. I wasn't so proud of my physical appearance back then. And then here comes college where nobody gave a shit about how I look and I felt free. I finally found a world where I can be fat and everyone's okay with it. Now I realized I can only be fat for so long.

I used to think that my mom nagged me into watching what I eat and working out because she wants a daughter with a socially acceptable look. I was actually mad at her for that because she, of all people, should be the first to be okay with how I look. For the past 11 days of sleepless nights, unproductive days and plain bad mood, I realized that my mom only wanted me to be healthy. Valuable lessons indeed are learned the hard way.

I haven't really gotten into the hard workout yet because my right leg hasn't regained its full function. I haven't gotten around to watching what I eat either because of stress and what else is just splendid to do when you're in a shitty mood but to eat. The point is I get it now. As soon as the pain's completely gone, I'm going to work on a new project - Project I Wanna Live Longer (because Project I Wanna Lose Weight is too overkill, common and limiting for me).

I think that's all I wanna say for now. I still have to do my yoga thingies.

Wish me luck.