90 Days to 23rd: What Could Have Been
Day 253.
Today marks the start of the three-month countdown to my 23rd year on earth. I'm not exactly psyched by the fact that I'm going to age another year in 90 days but I actually miss those days that I did, those days when I eagerly looked forward to blowing the candles on my birthday cake while all my loved ones gathered around me and cheered me on. Now that I'm somehow all grown up, I dread the day because despite the bright side of having another shot at life, it also means having to put up with a whole new set of responsibilities that are inescapable most of the time. It's just kind of scary.
This is going to sound downright ridiculous but I do feel pressured about turning 23. Lately, I've been hearing news about some of the people I went to high school with. Some of them already got married, some are making a name for themselves in the music and showbiz industry and some are abroad, living the life. And here I am, just starting to build a future after a selfish pursuit of a somewhat impossible dream and tragically failed. Well, it's not that I regret considering teaching as a career. I'm actually thankful I did but I guess it just turned out to be a bittersweet memory. I just can't help obsessing about what could have been if I chose a high-paying job right after I got out of college. All my mom's financial distresses could have been reduced by half by now and we won't feel the need to sell our property just to pay all those bastards who took advantage of us during our trying times. Our house would be restored to its former glory just the way my dad designed it and my sister won't have to commute to school every single day because we'll have a car. My brother would be an owner of a small business and all the painful things that happened to us after my dad's passing would be nothing but traces of a faded scar. The more I think of it everyday, the more I regret not taking that job offer from a well-known BPO company when I had the chance last year. If I did, I won't be writing this entry right now.
Well, I guess the countdown has begun and as pressured as I feel now, I guess I just have to suck it up and make things work. No matter how unfair it seems to me sometimes not being able to keep something for myself just to help my mom out, I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut.
One day, I'll have my time.
90 DAYS TO 23RD.
Today marks the start of the three-month countdown to my 23rd year on earth. I'm not exactly psyched by the fact that I'm going to age another year in 90 days but I actually miss those days that I did, those days when I eagerly looked forward to blowing the candles on my birthday cake while all my loved ones gathered around me and cheered me on. Now that I'm somehow all grown up, I dread the day because despite the bright side of having another shot at life, it also means having to put up with a whole new set of responsibilities that are inescapable most of the time. It's just kind of scary.
This is going to sound downright ridiculous but I do feel pressured about turning 23. Lately, I've been hearing news about some of the people I went to high school with. Some of them already got married, some are making a name for themselves in the music and showbiz industry and some are abroad, living the life. And here I am, just starting to build a future after a selfish pursuit of a somewhat impossible dream and tragically failed. Well, it's not that I regret considering teaching as a career. I'm actually thankful I did but I guess it just turned out to be a bittersweet memory. I just can't help obsessing about what could have been if I chose a high-paying job right after I got out of college. All my mom's financial distresses could have been reduced by half by now and we won't feel the need to sell our property just to pay all those bastards who took advantage of us during our trying times. Our house would be restored to its former glory just the way my dad designed it and my sister won't have to commute to school every single day because we'll have a car. My brother would be an owner of a small business and all the painful things that happened to us after my dad's passing would be nothing but traces of a faded scar. The more I think of it everyday, the more I regret not taking that job offer from a well-known BPO company when I had the chance last year. If I did, I won't be writing this entry right now.
Well, I guess the countdown has begun and as pressured as I feel now, I guess I just have to suck it up and make things work. No matter how unfair it seems to me sometimes not being able to keep something for myself just to help my mom out, I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut.
One day, I'll have my time.
90 DAYS TO 23RD.
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