Chickened

I wrote the second resignation letter of my life last night just to chicken out the next day when I'm supposed to slap it across my smug supervisor's face. I'm not exactly sure why.

This is my problem when it comes to making decisions - I go overboard with weighing the pros and cons. Most of the time, I end up not doing anything at all and in the long run, I forget all about it. That's the beauty of being immature when it comes to things that should be taken seriously. You obsess for a period of time, forget and then resume usual activities like nothing happened. Sometimes, I feel like it's a good thing but right now, it's eating away on me from the inside out. My inner, carefree child tells me to go with the flow while the side of the impossibly ambitious son of a bitch pushes me to do what I really want to do regardless of what others would say. I officially don't know what to do.

I spent my 15-minute breaks in the office bathroom for the past few weeks thinking. Well in terms of salary and benefits, I'm with the company hands down. As for the nature of the job, I believe I'm already used to it so no problem with that. There's just a little hiccup with the people I work with. Most of them play nice but there are really those who I hate for some unknown reason. As much as possible, I stay out of their way and just mind my own business. I'm just not sure if I can put up with the big ones, the "bosses" as people call them. I get it. Big places like the company I'm with now require a workforce that would manage the workforce. It's just that sometimes, I wonder if being bossy is part of the job requirement. I don't know. Maybe I'm just too scared and paranoid to be treated the same way I was treated at my last job. I mean, the job itself would suck at many occasions and I don't think I can put up with it when another wave of pressure comes from the person who's supposed to be the support. I get that people have different personalities and not all the time, all of them would agree with one another but if everyone's so preachy about changing for the better, why not adjust for the benefit of the many right? Oh what the hell! I'm just gonna go ahead and say it - I don't like my supervisor and yeah, it's kind of personal. It's not like he yelled at me in front of my teammates or anything. I just don't like how he deals. He reminds me of the dumb guys who used to make fun of me in high school, those guys who made my life a silent, living hell.

Truth be told, I'm not sure what to do yet but sure as hell, I'm keeping a soft copy of my resignation letter in my laptop.

I need more time to think.