Choices
One of the feelings I immaculately loathe is defeat. This feeling often results to me crying like a girl and ultimately, seeing myself as some loser who's never going to be good for anything. That's why I lie about stuff that I believe can beat the hell out of me. Most of the time, I lie my way out of things and people buy it. I was an excellent, motherfucking liar until earlier when another person who's completely unrelated to me both by blood and bond saw right through me like a clear plastic wrap.
I finally gathered up the lady balls today to talk to my supervisor about quitting my job. I showed up for work 30 minutes early just to have a heart-to-heart with him regarding my resignation. Conveniently, he didn't show up on the time he said he was going to and so I waited another 40 minutes, looked like an idiot in front of my station's computer and read my medical certificate and resignation letter that I've already memorized by heart. Just before I decided to give up and just take in calls, one of my co-workers told me to approach my operations manager which made sense because she's the next highest authority. And so I did.
When I sat down to have the "resignation talk" with our OM, I had all the lies neatly stacked up in my head. Well, not really lies. They're more of excuses, threads that I weaved together to complete the sheet that would end my role as CSR. At first, my story went out smoothly until our OM started asking questions that totally threw me off track. I panicked, choked on my own saliva, cried like a little bitch and ended up telling the truth about my desire to resign. She listened intently as I ranted on about how different our new supervisor is than our past supervisors. In between sobs, I told her that I don't like how our supervisor's personality is affecting my performance as an agent, how everything about the job used to be second nature to me until he took over. The worst part is I didn't see any judgment in her eyes while I blabbed on and that made me regret my decision to try to resign in the first place. What she told me after laying my cards on the table sounded like she's inside a large fish tank and I'm staring at her from outside the glass. I only got keywords that I came to understand after everything was over. She gave me two choices - either I stay in the team for another two weeks so I could give my supervisor a chance to be human or I transfer to after hours so I can manage my medical concerns. I declined transferring to after hours simply because maintaining my stats would be a nightmare there so I opted for the two-week stay. I'm just not sure if she's going to let me go if I still want to resign after that.
And so I slept in the lounge for four hours before going home partly because I don't want my mom up on my grill about why I'm off work so early. Luckily, she wasn't home when I arrived. She called to tell me she's with my brother in FTI buying sweet potatoes. I had to laugh. My brother has this recent obsession of flattening his stomach for some reason.
Two weeks.
God help me.
I finally gathered up the lady balls today to talk to my supervisor about quitting my job. I showed up for work 30 minutes early just to have a heart-to-heart with him regarding my resignation. Conveniently, he didn't show up on the time he said he was going to and so I waited another 40 minutes, looked like an idiot in front of my station's computer and read my medical certificate and resignation letter that I've already memorized by heart. Just before I decided to give up and just take in calls, one of my co-workers told me to approach my operations manager which made sense because she's the next highest authority. And so I did.
When I sat down to have the "resignation talk" with our OM, I had all the lies neatly stacked up in my head. Well, not really lies. They're more of excuses, threads that I weaved together to complete the sheet that would end my role as CSR. At first, my story went out smoothly until our OM started asking questions that totally threw me off track. I panicked, choked on my own saliva, cried like a little bitch and ended up telling the truth about my desire to resign. She listened intently as I ranted on about how different our new supervisor is than our past supervisors. In between sobs, I told her that I don't like how our supervisor's personality is affecting my performance as an agent, how everything about the job used to be second nature to me until he took over. The worst part is I didn't see any judgment in her eyes while I blabbed on and that made me regret my decision to try to resign in the first place. What she told me after laying my cards on the table sounded like she's inside a large fish tank and I'm staring at her from outside the glass. I only got keywords that I came to understand after everything was over. She gave me two choices - either I stay in the team for another two weeks so I could give my supervisor a chance to be human or I transfer to after hours so I can manage my medical concerns. I declined transferring to after hours simply because maintaining my stats would be a nightmare there so I opted for the two-week stay. I'm just not sure if she's going to let me go if I still want to resign after that.
And so I slept in the lounge for four hours before going home partly because I don't want my mom up on my grill about why I'm off work so early. Luckily, she wasn't home when I arrived. She called to tell me she's with my brother in FTI buying sweet potatoes. I had to laugh. My brother has this recent obsession of flattening his stomach for some reason.
Two weeks.
God help me.
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