Options

After I quit my last job, I was presented with a lot of options. Let me give you a numbered list.

1. I go to med school where everything is paid for by my very-soon-to-be stepfather.
2. I go to grad school where everything is paid for by DOST (assuming I pass the exam and screening prior to getting a full scholarship).
3. I find a job at another call center where hopefully everything is better especially the bosses' attitudes.
4. I find jobs over the internet which my mom wholeheartedly disagreed to.
5. I go back to teaching where I'm basically overworked and yet underpaid.
6. I stay home and tend to the family food business where my mom is my boss (now I know it's the WORST OPTION EVER).
7. I stay home, hate my life, drink with every person available to drink with every other night and get yelled at by my mother during hangover days.
8. I start my own business (which is not happening anytime soon because my mom doesn't and won't trust me with money).
9. I stay at home and be a useless weight on my mother's shoulders.
10. I be my mom's personal assistant.

Any person in his right mind would probably go for the first and the second option. I guess it's safe to say that I'm not actually in my right mind. Believe me, I still desperately want to go to med school. It's my freakin' dream but I don't think I'm strong enough to withstand homesickness. My soon-to-be stepfather offered to pay for my medical education provided that I take it in his hometown in Iloilo. He'll pay for my dorm and my allowance while my mom shoulders the tuition fee (which is not that expensive in Iloilo). I declined it for the stupid reason that I don't wanna be away from my family and friends. My mom told me the offer still stands. I always go out of my way to avoid the topic. On the other hand, going to grad school isn't that bad considering it's a full scholarship. I'm actually going for it. I just hope I'm lucky enough to get in.

Option 3 has never been really an option because I've already made up my mind that I'm never going back to a call center job. It's not that I hate the job itself. I just hate the way everything in it is backwards (i.e. sleeping in the day, working at night). Those six months I spent working as a call center agent made me realize that I'm no night creature so that's out of the question.

As I've said in Option 4, my mom didn't really like the idea of me working at home. "Dito ka na lang? Pano ka makakakilala ng ibang tao at makakaranas ng bagong experience kung ibabartolina mo sarili mo dito?" At one point, she's right. Although working at home has a lot of benefits, it's gonna constrict my social circle and I really don't like the idea of confining myself to just one circle of friends. Let's face it, you'll never know when you're gonna need other people so it's always better to have a number of them in your life. It's easier that way. I don't know. Back then, I'm so thrilled with the idea of never going out to battle scorching heat and busy traffic just to go to work. Well evidently, I didn't go for it but I'll keep it for reconsideration.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the teaching profession. I guess the trauma is still fresh from my first year in teaching. If you're a loyal reader of my life, you know what I'm talking about. If not, I suggest you start reading previous entries. Too lazy to tell a long, boring story right now.

And so I'm moving on to the next option which I can consider to be one of the worst decisions of my life. I already said in one of my previous blogs that I'm not comfortable being bossed around. When I told my mom I'm gonna handle the new family business, she didn't really say anything to agree or disagree. She just let me come in and act as the "manager". For a while, I enjoyed ordering things around and sometimes doing them myself. And then I realized, in this kind of business where your own mother is your boss, things can get a little messy, even personal. My mom and I are very different people and we do things differently. It came to a point where the paid help didn't know who to obey and things got a little out of hand. I decided to step out. I'm not the real boss after all. This came with another realization - I'm a really, really bad employee. And this brings us to Option 7.

Well, Option 7 was just a phase. It happened when my mom and I started fighting about how the canteen should be run and I acted up. I know it's not really a mature response and everyone, including my drinking buddies, agreed. I guess I just don't know how to deal with really serious grown-up stuff. I'm still hungover from my immaturely idealistic self and when things start fucking up, I shut myself out from the world. I can't really say it's over now because what would life be without the occasional alcohol and crazy nights with friends, right? Hahaha! I'm kidding, Mom. Please don't be mad at me.

Let me just tell you something about Option 8 - IT'LL HAPPEN IN ITS OWN TIME.

Option 9 actually happened with Option 7 so I guess I don't have to explain that.

And finally, Option 10 which is basically what I'm doing now. Although I have plans of making Option 2 happen, I wanna be of help and also make up for all the days I've absented myself as "manager" of our canteen because of a bad hangover. So far, it's fun and fulfilling.

So Spider-Man was right. We always have a choice. But we do need to decide.

I'm officially out of words now. Gotta go. Booze party later with my homies.