Silenced
Day 161.
Many people would say that silence doesn't confirm or reject anything so it's not really the smartest way of dealing with anything. But we have to admit that sometimes, it's the easiest way to go.
A lot of people would disagree when I say I'm a quiet type of person. I am for the most part known as the clown, the life of the party. Some of my friends even told me going out isn't fun if I'm not going. Maybe because I'm the one who has lots of stories to tell, the member of the group who won't stop talking until she's asleep. So I guess it's just downright wrong to describe myself as quiet. But I sometimes deal with difficult situations by shutting myself up. Silence is my alter ego.
For some reason, I find comfort in silence especially at times when I'm emotionally vulnerable. I tend to keep everything to myself when I'm upset and just burst out cursing the world when it gives me a license to be so wasted and fucked up. As they say, the drunk mind speaks the sober heart. But I'm not really the type of person who makes a way to get drunk when she feels bad about something so every single negative stuff in my chest just piles up until they're ignited and set free by the devil that's alcohol. Until then, I just keep silent, fake a smile and move on. As silence doesn't confirm or reject anything, I can feel a bit of peace in the illusion most people would refer to as life goes on. I guess that's just my way of saying that even though I go around making jokes about everything under the sun, I'm not okay and I need someone to know that.
But who am I kidding anyway? It's not like you, my dear reader, give a shit about my feelings. Even my own family doesn't give a rat's ass about my dreams, the things that matter to me and everything that makes me believe my existence to be worthwhile. Sometimes, I feel so alone in an unbelievably crowded home. I turn to my friends all right but at the end of the day, my sentiments don't really matter. I can actually cry about it all day and night and the earth will still revolve around the sun like none of its inhabitants is having a hard time moving on with its soul called life. Some people told me to pray, to just let it all out to that person who would never get tired of listening. As terrible as it sounds, sometimes I get tired of praying.
I don't know.
I'm just going to keep my mind shut now.
Many people would say that silence doesn't confirm or reject anything so it's not really the smartest way of dealing with anything. But we have to admit that sometimes, it's the easiest way to go.
A lot of people would disagree when I say I'm a quiet type of person. I am for the most part known as the clown, the life of the party. Some of my friends even told me going out isn't fun if I'm not going. Maybe because I'm the one who has lots of stories to tell, the member of the group who won't stop talking until she's asleep. So I guess it's just downright wrong to describe myself as quiet. But I sometimes deal with difficult situations by shutting myself up. Silence is my alter ego.
For some reason, I find comfort in silence especially at times when I'm emotionally vulnerable. I tend to keep everything to myself when I'm upset and just burst out cursing the world when it gives me a license to be so wasted and fucked up. As they say, the drunk mind speaks the sober heart. But I'm not really the type of person who makes a way to get drunk when she feels bad about something so every single negative stuff in my chest just piles up until they're ignited and set free by the devil that's alcohol. Until then, I just keep silent, fake a smile and move on. As silence doesn't confirm or reject anything, I can feel a bit of peace in the illusion most people would refer to as life goes on. I guess that's just my way of saying that even though I go around making jokes about everything under the sun, I'm not okay and I need someone to know that.
But who am I kidding anyway? It's not like you, my dear reader, give a shit about my feelings. Even my own family doesn't give a rat's ass about my dreams, the things that matter to me and everything that makes me believe my existence to be worthwhile. Sometimes, I feel so alone in an unbelievably crowded home. I turn to my friends all right but at the end of the day, my sentiments don't really matter. I can actually cry about it all day and night and the earth will still revolve around the sun like none of its inhabitants is having a hard time moving on with its soul called life. Some people told me to pray, to just let it all out to that person who would never get tired of listening. As terrible as it sounds, sometimes I get tired of praying.
I don't know.
I'm just going to keep my mind shut now.
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