On the First Hour of January 5th

For the past year, I've been writing about how love is bitter and painful. That's primarily because I have no reason, not to mention inspiration, to write of its other face - the sweet, cheesy and crazily happy side.

Let me start this blog by telling you that I have a reason and inspiration now.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to start. Telling a personal account of the rekindling of my nine-year-old love story is not as easy as telling a detailed tale of how I got crushed when a guy introduced me to his fiancee after making me feel that we had something going. Sad, tragic stories come easy to me but those of rainbows and butterflies, not so much. But I'm gonna try on this one.

As I've said, this is the rekindling. We've been on and off since we met nine years ago. I was fourteen and he's eighteen. I'm gonna say it wasn't easy considering he's one of my dad's employees and I'm the princess. It was because of my best friend that we decided to be a couple of course in secret. And so the whole exciting forbidden teenage love affair began. We never had a proper date. We just met secretly while his best friend and my best friend kept watch. I honestly don't remember if we made future plans as a teenage couple since I was too high on the thought of having a first boyfriend who's not only good-looking but also thoughtful and protective. I was the jealous type. I was paranoid every moment we spent apart. It went on perfectly for a while till we started to look obvious. My uncles and cousins paid attention then and although my parents didn't say anything, I got scared. We decided to lay low for a while. No communication, no meeting, nothing. My sanity was almost shattered. That's when the story of a third party came circulating. It was one of my cousins, who happened to be his friend, who told me. It simply slipped out during a casual conversation. I can still remember how outraged I was. I confronted him but he denied it and I believed him. Everything went back to normal until my best friend gave me a letter. She said it was the other girl's love letter to him. I didn't bother asking how she got it. I read the letter and it was clear proof. There was a third party. The other girl even said in the letter that he should choose me because I was his way to a better life with all the daughter-of-a-rich-man stuff and whatnot. I lost it then. It was an ugly breakup and I experienced the pain of a first heartbreak. I cut off all means of communication with him. His friends tried to talk me into letting him explain his side but I didn't listen. It was over.

One day, one of his friends told me that he left to enlist in the marine corps. He said he's going to make a name for himself and take me back. Still drenched with hate, I laughed. "We'll see," I told his friend and walked out. I went on with my life after that, met boys, got drunk and basically forgot all about him.

Years passed. He managed to get my number I don't know from whom or where. He called no matter how many times I ignored it. Looking back at all those times he tried to keep the connection alive, I'd give him one thing - he's not a quitter and he was able to prove over and over that he'd never give up on me, on us. I kept a straight face the whole time, telling myself that it's just a show. What happened to us in the past hung over me like a monster's shadow ready to devour me from the inside out anytime. I was scared, too scared to even admit that all these years, he's always been the one.

He called last Christmas to tell me he's coming home for the holidays and that he wants to see me. I gave him the impression that I'm busy with my life. He begged very incessantly till I agreed. No date was set. He told me he'd call.

He called last Friday night and told me to meet him and so I did. Seeing him for the first time after a very long time was like stepping out of the shadows and entering a well lit room. Everything was in high definition. They say when you're face-to-face with the one, he's all you can see. I must say that's a bit of an overstatement. It's not that he's the only one you could see. Of course the background and everything would still be there. It's just that he's the only one that would come into focus. Everything else blurs out like seeing  from the lens of an overpriced camera. I was expecting my heart to skip a beat and my stomach to have butterflies but they didn't. All I can remember was that I've never been happier in the last nine years. Right then and there, I knew the past was the past and I've already forgiven him. After all, we were just kids then. Now is different.

It was our first proper date. We exchanged stories - him as a marine and I as a teacher and a call center agent. We laughed, ate and drank like we don't have responsibilities to return to after the night was over. I never expected it to be as natural as breathing. He held my hand and looked deep into my eyes while I told him about how I want to quit my job, how I miss my students and how scared I am to start a real thing with him considering the nature of his job. "I won't die on you. I have a strong talisman," ("Hindi ako mamamatay. Malakas anting-anting ko,") he said. I almost cried and touched his face. I simply can't believe that time that I'm in a kilig moment way better than the ones I've written as a love story writer. And then, he kissed me.

It was our first real kiss. It didn't taste or feel like anything. It was unique. I smiled after it was over and looked into his eyes. "First love indeed never dies," ("First love never dies nga,") he said. I laughed. "Yeah," ("Oo,") was all I could say. Even though I sometimes deny it, he is my first love and I'm happy that we're officially back together.

I managed to drag myself to work after our date. It took a great deal of strength to keep my concentration intact as his face scattered my thoughts. It was to no avail. I basically kind of messed up some of my calls and even gave a weird answer to one of my officemates after telling me something. Regardless, I felt very much more alive despite the uncertainty. Maybe still a little bit scared but more than ready to take the risk.

It's just been five days since the year began and God already granted my wish.

Impeccable timing indeed.