The Dark Side
Day 39.
I know this is going to sound stupid but to tell you honestly, I'm sometimes scared of myself. At age 22, I still can't say that I completely know who I am. This is what happens to people who don't totally accept the things that make up their whole persona. That is just my way of saying that I haven't met the person on my dark side.
I was raised in a family of righteous people. I had a father who I believe would've been a lawyer if it weren't for his unknown reason of taking up Accountancy in college and I have a mother who would never miss a Baclaran Day for whatever reason. My dad wasn't that religious but he believes in always doing the right thing. My mom on the other hand is the opposite of my dad and at the same time, a woman who believes that everything should be done for the greater glory of God. As many people would say, I am of fine breeding. The last thing I would do is to even consider anything to hurt anyone.
All my life, I've been a person for others. I love doing things for people for no apparent reason. I always volunteer. I always want to save everyone from everything. There are times that I get frustrated but it passes and I'm back to embracing my ridiculous messiah complex like it's some cuddly teddy bear. For some reason, I find pleasure in feeding my desire to be there for others and I've never been tired or fed up. Until earlier that is.
I really don't want to elaborate on the details. It was just a moment of excruciating frustration that all I can do was to walk out and restrain myself from hitting anyone or anything. For the first time, I could say I almost met the other side of me which I've never encountered before. Honestly, it scared the hell out of me. I felt like my heart is going to fall off my chest and my brain is going to take the place of my lungs. Everything inside me was just in pure chaos. If too much anger instantly triggered cancer, I would've gotten seven different cancers in one sitting. I swear not to subject myself to something like that ever again.
More frustrations came after that but I'd rather not talk about it. I know this will pass. I'd just leave it all to Him. He knows what to do.
I know this is going to sound stupid but to tell you honestly, I'm sometimes scared of myself. At age 22, I still can't say that I completely know who I am. This is what happens to people who don't totally accept the things that make up their whole persona. That is just my way of saying that I haven't met the person on my dark side.
I was raised in a family of righteous people. I had a father who I believe would've been a lawyer if it weren't for his unknown reason of taking up Accountancy in college and I have a mother who would never miss a Baclaran Day for whatever reason. My dad wasn't that religious but he believes in always doing the right thing. My mom on the other hand is the opposite of my dad and at the same time, a woman who believes that everything should be done for the greater glory of God. As many people would say, I am of fine breeding. The last thing I would do is to even consider anything to hurt anyone.
All my life, I've been a person for others. I love doing things for people for no apparent reason. I always volunteer. I always want to save everyone from everything. There are times that I get frustrated but it passes and I'm back to embracing my ridiculous messiah complex like it's some cuddly teddy bear. For some reason, I find pleasure in feeding my desire to be there for others and I've never been tired or fed up. Until earlier that is.
I really don't want to elaborate on the details. It was just a moment of excruciating frustration that all I can do was to walk out and restrain myself from hitting anyone or anything. For the first time, I could say I almost met the other side of me which I've never encountered before. Honestly, it scared the hell out of me. I felt like my heart is going to fall off my chest and my brain is going to take the place of my lungs. Everything inside me was just in pure chaos. If too much anger instantly triggered cancer, I would've gotten seven different cancers in one sitting. I swear not to subject myself to something like that ever again.
More frustrations came after that but I'd rather not talk about it. I know this will pass. I'd just leave it all to Him. He knows what to do.
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