Wanted: Epiphany
Day 50.
For the past 48 hours, I've been forcing myself to write something for my literary blog. I was able to produce one chapter but for some reason, I'm not happy with it and I'm worried I'm going to have trouble writing the next chapters because I have no idea right now where the story is going. But this is not the perfect time to give up on my most awesome talent. Not now. Not ever.
Aside from trying to write during the past two days, I spent my time reading old posts and comments about my first story Ang Pag-ibig ni Crayon. I swear I could see them at the back cover of a book with my name on it as the author. Of course I want my works to be published but I guess I'm not ready. Not yet.
Let me tell you something about commitment.
Commitment is the one thing I'm scared of next to Asian horror movies. Maybe that's the reason why I have a problem entering into a serious relationship and taking my job seriously. I basically can't commit to anything. Once I feel like not doing anything anymore, I stop and walk away. What I feel I don't need, I throw away and move on with my life which wouldn't work in a world where everybody demands your time and loyalty. Right now, I'm on the edge of giving up the one thing I can say I'm ever good at - writing. I don't know. Maybe things just got boring right after the grandslam success of my first story or maybe I'm just a freaking coward to face the possible failure of my next work. I already lost 50% of my readers after making them wait for the updates for so long although I'm really hoping that that's just a stupid and hasty assumption. Right now, I'm on the edge of getting a divorce with the talent I married when I was 13 years old.
This is when I say maybe I just need an epiphany, a small moment that could open my eyes to the things that are important. Yeah. That's all I need. My divorce hearing can wait.
I have to go now and splash cold water against my worry-stained face.
For the past 48 hours, I've been forcing myself to write something for my literary blog. I was able to produce one chapter but for some reason, I'm not happy with it and I'm worried I'm going to have trouble writing the next chapters because I have no idea right now where the story is going. But this is not the perfect time to give up on my most awesome talent. Not now. Not ever.
Aside from trying to write during the past two days, I spent my time reading old posts and comments about my first story Ang Pag-ibig ni Crayon. I swear I could see them at the back cover of a book with my name on it as the author. Of course I want my works to be published but I guess I'm not ready. Not yet.
Let me tell you something about commitment.
Commitment is the one thing I'm scared of next to Asian horror movies. Maybe that's the reason why I have a problem entering into a serious relationship and taking my job seriously. I basically can't commit to anything. Once I feel like not doing anything anymore, I stop and walk away. What I feel I don't need, I throw away and move on with my life which wouldn't work in a world where everybody demands your time and loyalty. Right now, I'm on the edge of giving up the one thing I can say I'm ever good at - writing. I don't know. Maybe things just got boring right after the grandslam success of my first story or maybe I'm just a freaking coward to face the possible failure of my next work. I already lost 50% of my readers after making them wait for the updates for so long although I'm really hoping that that's just a stupid and hasty assumption. Right now, I'm on the edge of getting a divorce with the talent I married when I was 13 years old.
This is when I say maybe I just need an epiphany, a small moment that could open my eyes to the things that are important. Yeah. That's all I need. My divorce hearing can wait.
I have to go now and splash cold water against my worry-stained face.
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