A Craze of Misdirected Stabs
Day 28.
Last night, while I was staring at the manuscript of my second story Angels and Devon, my insides were in a craze of misdirected stabs like a thousand daggers mutilating what's left of my human anatomical features. I was exhausted, stressed and simply sad about something I can't point out. I even cried myself to sleep after giving up trying to produce the fourth chapter of my story. For the first time in a very long time, I once again felt like I was dying physically, mentally and emotionally.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not suicidal or anything. I just find life right now to be so fucking monotonous that I don't want to live another day of it. Every single day, I hear people complain about the same things. Every minute, there's someone who gets on my nerves and I don't have enough guts to punch them in the face. Every second, something goes wrong and I've just had enough of people blaming me for it. I'm tired of people expecting me to save everything. I'm tired of doing the same things that never get rewarded like they should. I'm tired of being the person I chose to be right now. Overall, I'm just tired. So fucking tired.
Maybe this is the perfect time for me to say that my mother was right and I should have listened to her in the first place. I never should have placed my pride on top of everything else.
While my dreams don't have a place in my schedule, I guess I just have to rot in the place I used to want to be. Yeah. It sucks big time.
I have to go. I still have charity stuff to do.
Last night, while I was staring at the manuscript of my second story Angels and Devon, my insides were in a craze of misdirected stabs like a thousand daggers mutilating what's left of my human anatomical features. I was exhausted, stressed and simply sad about something I can't point out. I even cried myself to sleep after giving up trying to produce the fourth chapter of my story. For the first time in a very long time, I once again felt like I was dying physically, mentally and emotionally.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not suicidal or anything. I just find life right now to be so fucking monotonous that I don't want to live another day of it. Every single day, I hear people complain about the same things. Every minute, there's someone who gets on my nerves and I don't have enough guts to punch them in the face. Every second, something goes wrong and I've just had enough of people blaming me for it. I'm tired of people expecting me to save everything. I'm tired of doing the same things that never get rewarded like they should. I'm tired of being the person I chose to be right now. Overall, I'm just tired. So fucking tired.
Maybe this is the perfect time for me to say that my mother was right and I should have listened to her in the first place. I never should have placed my pride on top of everything else.
While my dreams don't have a place in my schedule, I guess I just have to rot in the place I used to want to be. Yeah. It sucks big time.
I have to go. I still have charity stuff to do.
pam, i can sooo relate... but the thing is ako yung palaging nagcocomplain...
ReplyDelete" I just find life right now to be so fucking monotonous that I don't want to live another day of it."--->this... i know we should always look for good things, pero hindi naman kasi mapigilan na makaramdam na there's something wrong or missing e... for the past few weeks, para rin akong walking time bomb..isang maling kibit lang ng kahit sinong kausap ko or katabi ko, masasabugan siya...
and yes, same here, my dreams have no place in my schedule...and it sucks big time too. haaaay.