Not Your Business

Day 24.

I don't understand why everyone has to point out to my face every single day how awesome and expensive my breeding is. I get that people look up to people who graduated from badass schools but seriously, does it have to be especially mentioned everyday? I'm starting to feel insulted.

Let me tell you something about being the big fish in a lake.

When you graduate from a really prestigious institution with awards, special citations and everything, people expect you to be God. If they can make you bleed, they'll stop believing in you. If you come to work two minutes late, you're the worst mortal ever. If you don't pass this and that, you're just like the others who didn't finish college because they wanted to have a social life. If you're not what they want you to be, you're the miserable little bacterium that roams the soil in the hope of getting something to engulf. When you're an alumna of the Philippines' pontifical university and a holder of a bachelor's degree in a premedical course, everyone sees you as the walking and talking definition of perfection, intelligence and finesse.

Well, guess what. I'm not.

Is it my fault my parents wanted a kid who is better than everybody else so bad they cashed out a big amount of dough just to send her to really great schools? Is it my sin to have been raised in a family who had dreams and means for its children? Is it my felony to have gone beyond my abilities and limits to make my family proud and graduate with flying colors? Is it?

I apologize for not being the person everyone else wants me to be. I just want to say that I didn't study for four years to be mocked to my face everyday about how rich and leveraged my family is. I didn't sacrifice countless hours of sleep just to be told that I'm a shame to my university's name. I didn't face my thesis panel and defended my research just to be stuck in a place full of people who are wishing they had my life. I hate to brag about how my parents and God loved me and everything but you have to understand that it's not my fault. I'm sorry my joy had to be everybody else's misery. Maybe someday I'm going to suffer but sure as hell, I'd never wish bad things on anyone. Ever.

I'm not perfect but I'm trying to be good. I always make it a point to put everyone's feelings under consideration. I do my thing while trying and giving my best. I don't stick my nose into any other person's business. Whenever I'm needed for help, I make sure I'm there and thanks to my messiah complex, there are even times I try to come to everyone's rescue. A little percentage of myself is self-centered but the selfless person in me prevails most of the time. No matter what the situation, my breeding always tells me that I have to be a human for all humankind. But as the name itself suggests, I'm still human - fallible just like everything and everyone under the same sun the world is depending on everyday.

If there is one thing I promised myself I'd never do, that is to impose respect on anyone simply because I believe that respect is not something you order people to give you. Respect is something you earn by giving it first.

I may not be the model citizen at work or anywhere else but there's one thing for sure - I'd play nice till the end but I can't assure unlimited respect. I just want everyone to stay out of my personal life and quit silently making fun of me by excessively pointing out my superior breeding.

And yeah. I also have a business. It's called NOT YOUR BUSINESS so fuck off.

Another hater day for me.

Ugh.